What is Tantra and how can I enjoy tantric sex with my partner?
What comes to mind when you think of Tantra? Positions, duration, orgasms? Well yes, that’s indeed part of it, but there’s a lot more to Tantra than you might think. The truth is, though it’s often synonymous with mind-blowing sex, Tantra is as much about building sensual intimacy and connection as it is about physical intercourse. There are in fact many different tantric paths one can undergo, and all are valuable in their ability to take your sex life to new heights. With this in mind, we’ve broken down what tantric sex actually is, as well as how you can use Tantra to experience more pleasure in the bedroom…
Read more: How Can I Have More Intense Orgasms?
What Turns Sex Into Tantric Sex?
When we practice the “normal” bedroom routine, it satisfies our basic needs and urges. The general norm is to warm up with foreplay before going in for the grand finale, which is all well and good, but tantric sex goes beyond that. It is is having sex with awareness, making it a highly potent aphrodisiac. It’s a dance between you and your lover. It’s not goal-orientated, other than the dance itself, and it doesn’t always involve intercourse. Ultimately, it’s about appreciating and connecting with the other person and forging a tighter bond.
Sexual Healing And Tantra
Another aspect of Tantra is its ability to become a source of healing for yourself and your relationship. Whether you have experienced trauma, hurt in past relationships or trust issues, it can assist in the mental recovery process. An important part of tantric sex is meditation, breathing and eye-gazing, which can help to soothe the nervous system and provide support for triggers and anxiety. For women in particular, as we store many emotions, experiences and trauma in our womb, the gentle healing and safety of Tantra can help to restore us in ways we didn’t even realise we needed.
How Can I Incorporate Tantra Into My Sex Life?
Make Eye Contact
Initially, this can feel a bit silly and uncomfortable, but once you overcome the awkwardness, it’s one of the easiest ways to step up the sexual ante. Start by sitting face to face (ideally on the bed) and look into each other’s left eye. Soften your gaze and sit there for a few minutes, and see what feelings and emotions come up. It’s a great practice to help deepen the love, eliminate shame and open up the heart, which will help both of you feel seen and felt by the other. You can also take this over to your lovemaking session. When things get hot, pause for a moment, lock eyes and allow yourself to consciously feel. This will immediately connect you both, whilst further amping up the anticipation.
Tantra is all about exploring your sensuality through an erotic build-up. Touching and teasing are key, with a focus on making every touch count. This makes massage a very powerful tantric tool. Plus, for many, it can also be the key to multiple orgasms!
Here’s how to get started. First, decide who wants to be the “giver”, and who wants to be the “receiver”. While the giver moves their hands slowly and meditatively along the receiver’s body using different types of strokes and touches, the receiver gets to just lie back and surrender, fully tuning into their own pleasure. If you’re the giver, try playing with the intensity and rhythm of the massage. This will raise the intensity to a whole other level. Another important tip is to stimulate undiscovered erogenous zones! After massaging the whole body, start by stimulating areas that you do not usually consider to be erotic, including the neck, bum, back of the knees, inner thighs and elbow crooks (though remember, everyone is different!). Then, gently increase the intensity through ebb and flow, before gradually becoming more intimate with your touch.
Sit On Your Partner’s Lap
One of the most famous tantric sex positions is Yab-Yum. A symbol of the union between Shiva and Shakti, or masculine and feminine energy, it can be done between any gender. Traditionally, the male will sit while the female positions herself on his lap, wrapping her legs around him, with both putting their heads cheek-to-cheek, or forehead-to-forehead. Once you come into alignment, start by taking a few deep, slow, synchronised breaths together. Then begin to move together in slow undulations, arching, swirling in circles, finding a rhythm that feels arousing, and activating your sexual energy together.
It’s all about the breath here. As you connect with each other’s breath, you can expand into pleasure. Try contracting your pelvic muscle, feeling the pleasure that arises. This position can be practised fully clothed, naked or during penetration if you prefer. All have the potential to give you a full-body energy orgasm.
Slow Your Breathing
This trick is for the ladies. Try slowing your breathing down as you approach orgasm. Most women breathe more quickly as we feel ourselves peaking, causing us to tense whilst trying to bring the orgasm on. Instead, relax your stomach and take slow deep breaths into your tummy. The orgasm will last longer and be more intense.