Discover how to take your orgasms to the next level.
You may have heard references to “The Big O” in popular culture, but did you know that there are in fact many kinds of different “Os” out there? The most common orgasms that people know of are related to the genitals: clitoral, g-spot, vaginal and anal. Yet the body is full of erogenous zones and there are many other types of orgasms that you may be less aware of.
For instance, how about the core-gasm (an exercise-induced orgasm, usually from core work), or the nipple-gasm (orgasm from nipple stimulation)? There’s also the ear-gasm (pleasure from physical stimulation of the ear lobe or ear canal) and some people may even experience thought-gasms (thinking yourself to orgasm without any physical touch). Clearly there’s a whole world of orgasmic pleasure out there to explore, and here’s where to begin.
Blend Those Os
Given that we have so many wonderful ways of experiencing sexual pleasure, an easy way to access more intense orgasms is to stimulate more than one of these pleasure zones at the same time. The most classic combination is the vaginal-clitoral “blended orgasm”, which combines external stimulation of the clitoris with internal stimulation of the vagina either with fingers, a penis or a sex toy.
But don’t just stop there. The more you can layer sensations by stimulating other erogenous areas of the body (say with spanking, nipple play, butt plugs and such), the more likely you are to have a mind-blowing blended orgasm.
Play At The Edge
If we know our bodies well, we can often be quite efficient at bringing ourselves to orgasm. After all, we lead busy lives, and sometimes it’s just about getting the job done. However, if you want a bigger, stronger orgasm, then it usually requires having the patience to build up larger amounts of sexual energy and erotic tension. Enter edging – a practice that both men and women can benefit from.
Put simply, edging means playing at the edge of an orgasm but then stopping right before climax. The longer and more times you hold off, the more intense the orgasm will be.
Imagine there’s an arousal scale of zero to 10, with not being aroused being a zero, to having an orgasm being a 10. Begin by stimulating yourself in the usual way that brings you to orgasm, and then when you hit an eight or a nine, stop completely. Wait for your arousal level to come down to a three or four, and then gradually rebuild to an eight or nine. Rinse and repeat.
A more fluid way of doing this is to mix up your moves. For example, if you are consistently using a “circling” motion around the clitoris, once you hit the eight or nine mark deliberately shift to a slower stroke to change the intensity, or start using a different technique (such as flicking or a side-to-side motion). This maintains stimulation on the clitoris, but the variation in intensity and technique at the right time should bring down the arousal level (to a level of six or seven), which you can then rebuild.
The most challenging part of edging is really having the willpower to stop yourself before reaching the point of no return. I suggest enlisting a partner’s help and making it into a bit of a sexy game involving a power dynamic. Try having your partner edge you several times, only climaxing when they give you permission to do so.
Orgasm More With The Pelvic Floor
Since all orgasms manifest in the body as a series of involuntary muscle contractions of the pelvic floor, it makes sense that having strong pelvic floor muscles will help you to have stronger orgasms.
The pelvic floor muscles support the bowel and bladder, as well as aiding in urinary control and sexual function. Strengthening the pelvic floor involves squeezing and releasing the muscles using Kegel exercises. I usually recommend to my sex coaching clients that Kegel exercises be done daily – 30 to 50 times a day, some slow and some fast – to maintain a healthy pelvic floor.
If you have strong pelvic floor muscles, you can use them to intentionally extend your orgasms. As you approach climax, try to voluntarily pulse the pelvic floor muscles rhythmically to intensify the sensations. Once you start experiencing the peaks of an orgasm, bear down hard with your pelvic floor to add energetic fuel to every contraction you have. In doing so, you’re guaranteed to multiply your pleasure.
Breathe Into It
I’m also a big fan of combining breath work with orgasm. As we’ve learned in yoga and other wellness practices, breath is our life force and it carries energy. Breathing more mindfully can help us to decrease anxiety, increase satisfaction and also connect more deeply with our partner.
Most people instinctively start to either hold their breath or breathe shallowly and tighten up their body as they approach orgasm. This is fine as a certain amount of muscle tension is necessary to reach orgasm. However, holding your breath can also cut down energy flow. Instead, imagine having an orgasm while you’re in a yoga class. Breathe deeply and steadily through it. Try to slow down your breathing – three counts on the inhale and three counts on the exhale. Make sure each breath is starting deep in your belly and released fully.
Some people may also find their orgasms are enhanced by short, sharp, forceful breathing, almost like panting. Whatever it is, find what works for you. As you’re breathing, try to bring a deeper awareness to the sensations in your body. This will help you experience a more intense orgasm.
Bridging The Pleasure Gap
Many women can make themselves come in under ten minutes. Yet when it comes to partnered sex, heterosexual women experience fewer orgasms than men – as few as one for every three a man experiences. This is what’s called the Pleasure Gap, and I talk about how to bridge it on the Better in Bed podcast. It is likely caused by our cultural norms and expectations around sex, especially the notion that sex is only about penetration.
Having an intense orgasm with a partner takes vulnerability and trust. Open communication about what you enjoy will give you the best chance of having a stronger, more intense orgasm. Ultimately your orgasm is all about you. Don’t worry too much about how you look to your partner. Give yourself the permission to do the things that you need to do to feel good in bed.
Pleasure Is The Measure
I believe orgasms are a learned skill. When I work with women who are having difficulties having an orgasm reliably (either with themselves or with a partner), or who want to learn new ways to orgasm, I always tell them it’s not just about “letting it happen”. In other words, it’s not a passive process. Rather, it’s about taking the time, practice and experimentation to figure out how to make orgasms work for your body.
There’s no right or wrong way to experience an orgasm. You can have big ones, small ones, explosive ones, reluctant ones, full body ones, quickie ones – the list goes on! What’s more, there’s absolutely no hierarchy to pleasure; one type of orgasm isn’t better than the other. They’re all awesome, they all feel great, and we should be honoured to have them.