How many of these relationship myths have you been sold?
Let’s debunk a few of the very common (and untrue!) myths we have heard about romantic relationships. Sadly, there are a lot! What I get frustrated about is the amount of misinformation there is that leaves people feeling their relationship is somehow not good enough. What’s more, relationship myths can keep you stuck in unhealthy behaviours and patterns, inauthentic relating or habitual cycles of sabotage. Yikes!
So, without further ado, let’s address a few of the main offenders and get some facts straight, once and for all.
Myth #1: Great Relationships Don’t Require Work
Just like life, there is good and bad. In relationships, you will experience easy times and hard times; sometimes you’ll have more sex, and sometimes you’ll have less. The only constant thing in a relationship is change. That means relationships take work!
The amount of work will ebb and flow. The initial “honeymoon stage” where you can’t keep your hands off each other, for instance, will be effortless bliss. Meanwhile, in the subsequent stages (after about 18 months, give or take), it’s typical to experience a “fall from grace”, where things no longer appear so perfect after all and your sex life starts to fade. Just remember that intimate relationships are messy, hard and sometimes confusing. After all, the very process involves merging your own life, needs, wants and values with another person who has their own needs, wants and values. And let’s not even talk about all the baggage of past history, emotional wounds and triggers we each have. With this in mind, don’t let the fairytales fool you. Great love requires great work.
Myth #2: You Complete Me
Are you looking for your partner to complete you emotionally, mentally and physically? How many of us have thought that when we meet “the one” we’ll finally be happy? This is a huge no-no. Think about how much pressure that puts on just one person!
Here’s the thing, a healthy relationship consists of two people who aren’t dependent on one another to find fulfilment and completion in their own lives. They join in partnership not to complete one another, but to complement. Now I’m not saying you have to have all your stuff figured out, but don’t rely on someone else to do that work for you.
Myth #3: A Great Relationship And Sex Life Look A Certain Way
Who doesn’t love a classic romantic comedy? Unfortunately, watching Hollywood and its idealistic portrayal of sex and relationships can leave us feeling that our own relationships aren’t “enough”. In addition, it can also make us believe that for a relationship or sex life to thrive, it must follow certain “conventional” rules. Come on, we live in 2020 people! Quite frankly, your relationship equals your rules!
What makes a relationship great is its uniqueness; it’s a bespoke design that fits each participant perfectly. The only vision of a perfect relationship you should follow is one that welcomes alterations and adjustments over time, and suits the season that the relationship is currently in (i.e early parenthood, dating, illness etc.). Go and create the relationship and sex life that works for you both, whatever that may look like.
Myth #4: Men Are More Interested In Sex Than Women
Let me give it to you straight: women of today are definitely no less interested in sex than men. Yes, our brains, bodies and biology differ. However, whilst I think a difference in gender can go a long way in figuring out how to best engage with the opposite sex in the bedroom, it does not tell the whole story. As such, it’s best to assume that in fact no one is the same.
When we go beyond gender, stereotypes and biology, and allow ourselves the opportunity to explore the sexual magic in each individual, we can then recognise that each person is unique. We all speak our own erotic language. And when we discover how to feed and be fed our desires, it naturally increases our sexual appetite, regardless of gender.
Sassy Tip: Not sure how to find out your erotic language? This quiz is a great place to start.
Myth #5: Love Is Enough For Passion Not To Fade
Love alone is not enough! As most relationships progress, individual responsibilities will grow and roles will expand. Couples will naturally have less time and energy for each other, no matter how much you love each other. This can lead to a neglect of romance, great sex, fun and adventure. That being said, this doesn’t mean that the passion is gone for good. With a little planning and hard work (as in our first myth!), you can recapture the flames. The key is to never forget about making the effort!