How To Create True Intimacy In A Relationship

What does it take to achieve true intimacy with your partner?

Do you wish to experience heart-pounding ecstasy paired with playfulness and a deep companionship that lasts? Though it sounds like a big ask, it really is possible to have it all when it comes to relationships, as long as you know how to combine the three key ingredients of intimacy, connection and eroticism.

Read more: How To Address Mismatched Sex Drives

What Is True Intimacy?

True intimacy starts with being connected with ourselves. After all, we need to know how to listen to our own sensations and emotions, and be in tune with translating those signals into responsive reactions, before we can be truly intimate with another. However, what does that entail?

For me, it involves giving to myself. First and foremost, I need to connect with my own innermost needs. Only then can I give more time and presence to my partner, rather than being needy, feeling starved, and expecting them to fill me up with connection and love. Begin by examining what helps you to feel intimate with yourself. For instance, is it doing more of the things that give you pleasure (be it buying yourself flowers, or dancing alone in the bedroom)? Or is it speaking kindly to yourself, admiring your body rather than judging it? It’s often the simple things that create embodiment and true intimacy in ourselves. The more we create personal intimate moments, the more they will then overflow into our relationship.

How Can I Create A Deeper Connection With My Partner?

Do you remember the last time you paused with your partner to connect? I mean really took a full pause to just be. It’s human nature to want to be truly, fully seen by our partner; to be known and held in their thoughts and gaze. That’s what makes our hearts burst open. So why not make a little more time for connection?

Whether it’s a pause to look into each other’s eyes, or holding hands and sharing what you appreciate about your partner, slow down and enjoy being with one another. What you send out is also what comes back. The more we open ourselves and carve out time to connect with one another, the more we feel love and intimacy.

This is actually my favourite thing to witness when I work with my clients. Typically, when I first start working with a couple, I can see there’s a disconnect – there’s usually a longing for more on both sides. Once they start to put in the time and effort, they tell me how they have more compassion and understanding for one another within a short period of time. They also experience more love and fewer arguments. Overall, there’s a deeper connection between them than ever before, which then generally leads to better sex. That’s the power of connection!

How Do I Keep The Sexual Chemistry?

Of course, it’s beautiful to feel deep love, intimacy and connection, but if you’re not feeling the spark then we don’t feel desire. Sexual chemistry can begin to wane at the two-year mark, so it’s important that we speak each other’s sex language in order to keep the eroticism alive.

It’s quite common to think that sex simply consists of kissing and intercourse, yet there is so much more to it than that. A healthy sex life is all about discovering each other’s pathways to arousal and keeping the discovery ongoing. To achieve this, why not experiment with sex toys, share a dirty story, or reminisce over your previous memorable sexual moments together? To feel desire and create eroticism, we need adventure and curiosity, and these things will certainly do that and more. Not sure where to begin? This quiz is a great place to start.

In the end, it’s important to remember that relationships and sex are a continuous journey. In reality, we need to constantly be working on our relationship, course-correcting as we go – it’s the only way to evolve and grow in ourselves and the relationship we are in.

Read more: 6 Sex Toys To Help You Experiment In The Bedroom