If you’re going through a dry spell, read on…
So, it’s been a while since you’ve last had sex and you probably have all different kinds of emotions running through you.
You might be feeling frustrated and uncomfortable as you feel something is missing, because your body is yearning for intimacy and sex. You may even be experiencing some sadness when you see others being affectionate and it might feel a sting in your heart because you miss someone being close to you.
You may have just come out of a long-term relationship, and you are not quite ready yet to get hot and steamy with someone else. Maybe, you just haven’t had at the opportunity to have sex for a while because you are shy. Or, you haven’t experienced the right situation, where you felt a deep enough connection with someone to take the next step. Let’s be honest, you want it to feel right so it can lead to great sex and not just a quick average romp, especially if it’s been a while!
We all go through a dry spell at some point in our life, and you are definitely not alone. Either way, it’s really nothing to panic about. I believe having some time to yourself is healthy and it gives you the opportunity to really discover yourself and do the things that make you feel good. Just remember, sex is like riding a bike, you might be a bit nervous about getting back on that saddle again but trust me when I say, once you are back riding, it all comes back to you again.
Also, you never know what could happen to tomorrow and who could walk into your life. So, let’s get you ready for that. The door needs to be prepped and ready to be open, for someone to be able to enter… *wink* Here’s five steps to help you get over your dry spell:
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The art of self pleasure
The best way to feel more turned on, is to feel more alive and turned on in your life in general. Get into moving your own body, enjoy your own body and indulge in pleasure and fun that just serves you. I also suggest you get to know yourself intimately and most importantly to love that beautiful body of yours. Your body is wired for pleasure, and the best way to discover your gateway to heaven is by exploring it, and know exactly what you like.
I like to use the term self-pleasure and not masturbation, because self-pleasure it so much more than a simple climax, as it doesn’t always have to be orgasm oriented. For example, you can take a bath and allow your body to relax and feel how that gives you pleasure, give yourself a breast massage, set aside some time to discover different erogenous zones in your body.Basically, give yourself all the pleasure that you desire and go on a journey of self-discovery.
You can also explore with different sensation toys. I personally like the idea of a pleasure wand, as it encourages you to de-armour yourself and experience all kinds of pleasure you didn’t even know was possible. Or maybe, go and explore your local sex shop and look for some sensation toys, (it doesn’t always have to be a vibrator). I personally like Sally Coco and Wanta.
Self-pleasure is a healthy way to keep up your sex drive and intimacy. What happens is, when you don’t have sex for a while, you will crave it less. So, keep up the self-pleasure, and it will also allow you to be more open to having sex again.
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Heal your emotions
Before you put yourself out there again, use this quiet time as an opportunity to get honest with yourself. Your past relationships always hold some jewel of knowledge about your unconscious mind, so be sure to reflect on that. We all carry little backpacks of emotions from previous relationship and life experiences, some good and some bad. There might be a number of different reasons why you are going through a dry spell, and I highly recommend looking deeper and also use this opportunity to heal your emotions. We all carry different hurts, and some wounds may still be quite deep that we may not even be fully aware of.
I encourage you to ask yourself some questions; what are the emotions attached to the past experiences and how do you feel about them now? Do you require some healing? When you think about sex and intimacy, what kind of emotions come up in you and how does your body respond?
Do you notice tightness of emotions, pain or tingly feeling anywhere in your body? If yes, dig a bit deeper and ask yourself; where is it coming from and why do you feel this in your body. When you get the answer, allow yourself to accept the emotions and the experiences and to let go of them.
You may need to do this with some loving thoughts, compassion and self-nurturing. If things are very deep and you are struggling to deal with the emotions that are coming up, I suggest you see someone that can support you on your healing journey. Look for a counsellor or psychologist if it’s trauma related, or you can look for a relationship or life coach if it’s from past relationship hurts or childhood, or maybe even an energy healer if you are open to that.
Expand your definition of sex
What does sex mean to you? Is it oral pleasure and intercourse? How do you define sex?
People tend to think of female sexuality as overcomplicated and male sexuality oversimplified. While there are differences between male and female, I think we all fall prey to very old stereotypes and ideas. Sex and Intimacy is not something we really get taught, and no one teaches us us how to experience pleasure in the bedroom. We do have sex education at school, and if you are lucky your parents might have talked about the birds and the bees, but usually all we get taught is, how intercourse happens, how to get pregnant, (well at that age, how not to fall pregnant and how to avoid getting an STD!). Yet, sex is so much more! Let me ask you, do you understand your pathway to arousal and the way how you are erotically wired? Do you know your Erotic Blueprint type? If your answer is no, let me explain what it is and why it’s so important to know.
An Erotic Blueprint is like a map that guides you to your own erotic psychology, so can easily understand your own sexuality and the sexuality of your lover. Sounds great right?! Understanding your EBC will leave give you greater self-confidence in and out of the bedroom, so you easily recognise the beautiful woman you are. It will also give you a deeper understanding of your body, so you feel more aligned with your needs, wants and desire. It will help identify a clear pathway to boosting your libido and arousal, which means more sex and greater fulfilment. And it will give you practical tools to help you feel more alive and satisfied instead of stuck in your head and unable to feel what is really happening in your body. You are probably all eager to know which EBC you are, so head click here and take the quiz, which will give you a map with the right tools and language for a clearer path to pleasure.
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Set your standards
Some people say, lower your standards, and it will help you get laid or to get you back into dating. I say, know what you want and approach it with confidence.
If you lower your standards, it may lead to disappointment, and you probably won’t want to go back for more any time soon. It really is a jungle out there, especially in the time we live in! The days of courting are long over, and now it’s as simple as swipe right on your mobile phone, and you have your possible hook up or date for the night.
Ask yourself, what do I want and what do I want my experience to be like? Are you after a one-night stand or are you open to the possibility dating if the chemistry is right?
Once you know what you are after, set your standards, know your values and be clear on your boundaries.
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Build your confidence
Past experiences may affect your confidence. It can change the way how you feel about yourself, your body, relationships and sex. Confidence is the key to enjoying yourself sexually and when you’re dating again. It’s not uncommon to lose some of that edge if you have been out of the game for awhile.
Here are some tips to boost your confidence so you are ready to put yourself out there. Do the things that make you feel good in yourself and in your body;exercise, dance, eat the things that you know are good for your body, get a massage or a facial, buy yourself something nice to wear, or get yourself some new lingerie. This will allow you to feel good in your body and yourself.
- When you walk through the city, walk with your head held high and bring awareness to the way you move your body, let yourself flow and allow yourself to feel sensual and confident. Trust me when I say, the energy you project is what you attract. If you have a hard time doing this, just repeat in your mind; I love myself, and I am beautiful. It will naturally sink into your subconscious mind, and soon you will feel it too.
- When you meet someone new that you are attracted to, remind yourself about what you want, your worth and the standards you have set, but also be authentic and most importantly your authentic self. This will naturally help you to feel confident and help move things in the right direction. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy yourself!
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I understand, if it’s been a while, it’s not always easy to put yourself out there. But you are so worthy of all that you desire! Enjoy the ride…
All images Credited to Tina Maria via Instagram