Life Without Kids: Honest Conversations With Child-Free Women

According to a recent survey by a women’s rights group, over 70% of Hong Kongers don’t want children. So, why is this topic still so taboo?

For some women, the decision to lead a child-free life is as clear as day. For others, it’s a winding road of “maybe later,” “sadly, I can’t” or simply, “I’d rather not.” No matter where you land, though, one thing’s for sure: saying you don’t want children can feel like dropping a live grenade in a room full of baby enthusiasts. Expect side-eyes, unsolicited advice and a whole lot of “you’ll change your mind” spiels. But here’s the thing: no two experiences are the same. Whether you’ve faced backlash, disbelief or just a lot of awkward silences, your story is yours — and so is your choice. So, grab a cuppa (or a glass of wine, no judgement here), and join us as we dive into honest conversations with two bold, baby free women based in Hong Kong — and before you ask, both are over 30.

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What responses do you hear most often when someone learns you don’t have children?

S: “Would you like to?”

V: A face of disappointment, or the classic, “Oh well, you will, and you’ll see what I’m talking about.” It blows my mind that in 2025 people can’t accept that not everyone has children. I feel like I’m looked at as less of a woman, or not fully “adult” because I’m not a mother.

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Do you feel that these responses reflect assumptions about your life or priorities? How do you respond?

S: Most people are genuinely curious, and there’s no malice behind their questions, so I take no offence. I disagree with the assumption that those who don’t have children are selfish though. It’s important to be honest about what you want in life, and not a decision to take lightly.

V: I feel like I’m immediately judged and, in many cases, immediately dismissed. People have said to me, “You won’t understand joy or love until you have children,” while others tell me  that “the hardest thing you’ll ever experience in life is motherhood.” I can promise you, both of those comments are completely wrong. You have no idea what life I’ve lived or what challenges I’ve faced.  

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How do you navigate conversations in social or professional settings where motherhood is a central topic?

S: I’m very comfortable with it given the nature of my job, and the fact that most of my friends have kids. I’m happy to listen!

V: I’ve been told many times in the workplace, “You don’t understand, you’re not a parent,” so I’m automatically disregarded in conversations about motherhood — which honestly makes me feel incredibly left out. While it’s not my place to comment about the latest parenting trends, work should be a place where we are valued for our contributions and intelligence.

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How has your decision shaped your relationships with friends or family, especially with those who are parents? Have you found support or community with others who share a similar experience?

S: I never made a conscious decision either way about having children. A few of my friends also sit on the fence on the topic, but I don’t think the fact that we can travel at a moment’s notice, or have a spontaneous night out requires support!

V: I didn’t make my decision lightly. I always planned to have kids, but my partner was diagnosed with cancer years ago; after that, I had to decide if I wanted to have kids knowing that I would potentially be a single mother. For years, people who have never been in my position have shared their opinions, including my own family. My parents have pushed me to have a baby — they say they would be there to support me, but that isn’t the same as having a child with my partner — I don’t want to parent with my parents.

Friends have also chimed in to say I would make an amazing mum, or they’ll say, “so what if you’re a single mother, parenthood is the biggest blessing.” The worst I hear is: “You should have a baby now so if your partner does pass away, you’ll always have a piece of him.” Even with the best intentions, my community doesn’t provide the support or understanding I would like, but it’s something I’ve come to terms with. 

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What advice would you give to someone struggling with societal expectations or pressures around motherhood?

S: I’m not in a position to give advice because I don’t struggle with it, although I can definitely empathise with how heartbreaking it can be for women who want children and are unable to have them.

V: Like everything else, I’ve found humour with it. When strangers or acquaintances confront the issue head on (asking me why I haven’t had kids yet), I make jokes. When it’s someone I know I give a bit of sass. I’ve almost created a formula where, depending on the question, I already have an answer ready to go. I guess that’s not really advice, but it’s the best I’ve got. Each of us have our different reasons and emotions surrounding the issue, so how I handle it may not be right for others. 

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We place too much importance on motherhood when defining a woman’s identity — but as more women choose not to have children, do you see these expectations shifting?

S: It can only improve as younger generations are generally more accepting of people and circumstances that fall outside societal convention. Statistically they’re also having less sex, and birth rates have plummeted globally, so it will become increasingly common, and expectations will have to shift accordingly.

V: No. I’d love to say I think the younger generation is shifting the narrative, but I’m just not confident. The value of a woman in 2025 is still tied to if she has (or plans to have) children. I’m not viewed by society in a positive light for my success or accomplishments, but rather in a negative one because of my choice to not have children — which is a real shame, because I think I’m pretty great, even without kids.