18 September, 2014

The Dating Game: Tinder-itis

18 September, 2014

My first stint with Tinder was by way of a friend pestering me to get on it. From what I’d heard, it was the equivalent of Grindr, an app that matched good-looking people for one single purpose: hooking up, but, you know, for straight people. Said friend had been matched with a few guys, and assured me that it wasn’t just about hooking up, you could make some nice friends on there… I still wasn’t convinced so I promptly shoved it to the back of my mind and got on with more important things in life (namely shoe shopping).

Then, last November, a friend in the UK also encouraged me to download the app and get on it. He had successfully been matched with several hotties while on holiday… I was intrigued.

Dating Game3

Image sourced from Pinterest

It was not until fairly recently (over glass of wine #3) when I was sat with a girlfriend, pining away over long-lost ex-lovers and questioning why we, two attractive, fun, personable chicas, had the raw end of the deal, that I began to come around to the idea of online and digital dating. Despite Tinder’s reputation, said friend had arranged a lunch date the following week with someone she had been matched with on the app. We agreed she had to at least give him a chance and see where it led. About half way through this bottle of wine (or was it bottle number 2? I really can’t recall), I was promptly told to download the app there and then. I brushed her off, saying I wouldn’t entertain such a thought just yet. I mean, what was I; desperate?!

Dating Game5

Cut to two hours later, with my beer (okay, wine) goggles on, lying in bed alone in the dark. The light of my phone screen illuminated the shapes on my dresser as I hesitantly went to download Tinder. I quickly got accustomed to swiping left for ‘not interested’ and right for ‘OMG he’s cute’.

I paused at one particular picture. It appeared to be of a guy sucking someone else’s toe. Well, whatever floats your boat, I suppose. Another guy was posing next to the backside of the bull on Wall Street in New York, while someone else had a photo next to what was clearly a girl in bridal garb… just what was he thinking?! Was his marriage really so bad that he was fishing around on a well-known hook-up app for goodness knows what?

After getting a few matches, I was a little unsure how to proceed. Then one of them started chatting to me using the in-app feature. The conversation continued. But… there was no heat. Where was the heat?! It was completely different to getting hit on at a bar, twirling a strand of my hair between my fingers and sipping on a (hopefully, free) cocktail. I was in my Looney Tunes knickers and a t-shirt with the words “Frankie Says Relax” emblazoned on it – real classy…

Dating Game1

Image sourced from Pinterest

With further hesitation, I decided to continue conversing with this guy. Surely if my wine mate was confident enough to meet her guy in person over a full-blown meal, I could at least exchange a few messages with Tinder dude. He wasn’t an uggo, but his photo could easily have been the work of an Instagram filter. I had to give it a shot, I had nothing to lose.

I longed for some heat. Now I’m not talking “let’s go have an orgy” heat (although I had many offers for those on Tinder), but at least some flirtation and some fluttery butterflies in my tummy. Tinder dude provided no such thing. Nothing. This guy gradually began to creep me out. There were numerous requests for in-person meet ups – at a secluded beach late at night, no less. After a couple of days of dull, icy conversation, I unmatched him (which you can do quite easily on the app). I couldn’t take it. He was messaging me at all hours of the day, and I could get no peace.

Tinder sat on my phone untouched for a few more days. I decided to give it another try after dipping my toe in the water. I put it down to a bad ‘match’. I continued trawling (urgh, what a word!), and decided that if I spotted someone who looked remotely interesting, I’d start up a conversation.

Dating Game4

Image sourced from Pinterest

And then the kicker. I stumbled upon my BGF (best guy friend). I knew he was on Tinder, but I was certainly not expecting to be matched with him… so I did the nasty and swiped left for no. It was mean, but that wasn’t the purpose of me being on Tinder – I needed to meet new people, not someone who’s number was etched into my contact list for the past decade.

I witnessed all types being on Tinder – short ones, tall ones, skinny ones, fat ones and ones who had photos heavily filtered, which was in itself a turn off. Wasn’t there a nice, normal guy, who I could share some banter with, who was emotionally and mentally stable and reasonably good looking? Or maybe I was expecting the moon and the stars when I should have been shooting for, I don’t know, Lamma Island?

Then Ted showed up, he was a real looker, in a non-Instagram-filter way. I decided to be a little less nervous and a little more forward with this one. I sent him a message saying, “You’re cute! ;-)”, hoping for a bit more heat this time and to up my flirting game. So far, there’s been no response. I tried the same tactic with the next guy I was matched with. Surely if I threw mud at a wall, something would stick? Again, no response. Hmmm. It seems I can’t win…

So much for Tinder. ’Til next time, you Sassy bunch.

heart-pinkMs. Sassy’s dating tip for the month: Put yourself out there, even if you are attracting clingy, needy, toe-sucking guys. 


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