24 February, 2021
How To Manage Sexual Frustration
How To Manage Sexual Frustration
Lifestyle

How To Manage Sexual Frustration

24 February, 2021
How To Manage Sexual Frustration

Suffering from sexual frustration? Find out how to deal with it straight from a sex coach.

Contrary to what a lot of movies portray, sexual frustration is not only reserved for horny teenage boys and menopausal women. Sexual frustration can be experienced by any person at any stage of their life, whether you’re single, in a committed relationship, have sex regularly or have been going through a bit of a dry spell.

If this is something you are currently experiencing, you’ve come to the right place. Here are some expert tips on how to manage sexual frustration in a healthy, satisfying and effective way.

Read more: How To Argue More Effectively With Your Partner

Sexual Frustration: Finding The Root Of The Problem

What Is Sexual Frustration?

People experience and exhibit sexual frustration differently, but it is generally described as a gradual build up of tension and sexual energy to a point where it may feel uncomfortable. There’s often a lack of release that may feel like a blockage or contraction in the body.

Those experiencing sexual frustration may feel like they lack a sense of flow, and this can manifest into agitation, depression, anxiety and even reckless behaviour.

Identifying The Root Cause Of Your Sexual Frustration

Sexual frustration is usually caused by a lack of connection, be it emotional or physical. In order to help my clients with this problem, I first try to identify what they are lacking and help them brainstorm ideas for how to seek that out.

Of course, amidst a pandemic, this is much easier said than done. But that’s why it’s important to get really granular about the root cause of your frustration.

If You’re Lacking Sensual Pleasure…

Masturbation or solo sex is a simple quick fix for sexual frustration. However, you may not always get that full sense of pleasure and release if you masturbate in the same way each time.

Try mixing things up every once in a while. Think about how you interact with a new person in the early weeks of a relationship; you might explore new things and take it more slowly. Give yourself the same quality of attention and make it about discovery and expression, rather than instant sexual gratification.

If you haven’t before, try edging or orgasm control to introduce more variety and increase the intensity of your orgasm. This is where you take yourself to the brink of climax, then hold back. This is a great way to make your self-pleasure time more interesting and enjoyable, plus it’s a technique you can use when with others in the future.

Try touching yourself all over your body, particularly the areas your hands wouldn’t normally go. It’s common for us to focus on stimulating our genitals and neglect our other endogenous zones, such as our lips, neck and ears. Next time, try running your fingertips through your hair and across your scalp or cup your hands around your neck for a gentle and comforting caress.

Read more: Discover How To Fulfil Your Sexual Fantasies

Sexual Frustration: Lack Of Connection

If You’re Lacking Sexual Connection…

If you’re feeling a lack of sexual connection with your partner, know you aren’t alone. A pandemic doesn’t exactly encourage sexual intimacy. Maybe you’re in a situation where you haven’t seen your partner in a long time, or perhaps you’ve been seeing too much of them at home? Either way, constant communication is vital.

Be sensitive to what your partner is feeling, especially if this year has been particularly stressful for them, but don’t be afraid to bring up sex. Tell them that you’d like to express your feelings sexually, and see where they’re at.

If you and your partner have been living together for some time, you might be struggling to keep the spark alive. Attempt to bring flirting back into the relationship and come up with a menu of ways you can connect intimately, besides penetrative sex. Try out new toys together, an erotic massage or recommend porn to each other, if that is something you’re comfortable with.

Read more: WFH Relationship Tips To Help You Keep The Spark Alive

Living apart for the time being? Consider role playing over Zoom, dirty talk, discuss sexual fantasies or send each other sex toys to play with. It’s also good to use the time alone with yourself to build your confidence in the bedroom.

For those who are single and desperate to mingle, don’t despair. There are many ways to meet new people and connect with others intimately, even if you’re keeping socially distant. There’s a great app called Feeld that allows you to explore your sexuality remotely with people from all around the world. You might also consider video sex and sexting as another means to sexually connect with other people. It can feel awkward at first, but after a few minutes of foreplay, things can quickly heat up.

Read more: Long-Distance Sex Tips From A Sex Coach

Sexual Frustration: Sensual Bath

Channelling Your Sexual Energy Into Other Activities

It’s important to remember that you don’t necessarily have to release your sexual energy in the bedroom or with a partner. Exercise is a great way to get the blood flowing and release all that pent up energy that’s been building up inside of you.

Dancing allows you to move your body and feel sexy at the same time, and you can easily explore different genres, like salsa, tango, K-pop or hip-hop, through YouTube. If restrictions allow, why not sign up for pole dancing classes? While pole dancing has an obvious erotic element, it also take a lot of physical strength and gives you an excellent full-body workout.

If you prefer something more relaxing, you could indulge in a hot and steamy bath using essential oils or a luxurious bath bomb. Take the experience to the next level with some tea lights and sensual music. There are also ways to let your sexual energy out creatively; try your hand at writing an erotic story or drawing some erotic imagery.

Another idea is to ask yourself what you would like to do naked. Try cooking up a meal or dancing in your living room naked. Most of us are only stripped bare in the bedroom or bathroom. It can be exciting and awakening to simply be open and vulnerable in a different environment.

Read more: Discover Your Pathway To Sexual Wholeness

Shift Your Definition Of Sex

My final tip is to shift the way you think of sex. Since sexual frustration often stems from not having our expectations met, one helpful way to avoid that is to expand the definition of sex to go beyond just genital intercourse and physical contact. Challenge yourself to explore the many different avenues for sexual pleasure, expressing sexual energy and indulging your erotic imagination.

Regardless of your relationship status, remember that you are the one who is responsible for your own sexual fulfilment. You shouldn’t rely on anyone else to do that for you. If you still find yourself struggling with sexual frustration, consider working with a sex coach to pin down the source of your frustration and explore ways to overcome those issues.

Featured image courtesy of jarbas prado via Pexels, image 1 courtesy of Anthony Tran via Unsplash, image 2 courtesy of Huha Inc. via Unsplash, image 3 courtesy of mikoto.raw via Pexels image 4 courtesy of cottonbro via Pexels.

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