A Non-Binary Hong Konger Talks Top Surgery & Trans Joy

One non-binary Hong Konger opens up to Sassy about top surgery, trans identity and the courage to defy expectations in a city still learning to embrace fluidity…

Living in Hong Kong means living with duality — gleaming skyscrapers brush up against dense jungles; high-end malls tower over incense-filled temples; early morning commuters ride the same MTR car as late-night party goers. These contractions are embraced by Hong Kongers — lauded, even — for the unique character they bestow upon the city. Yet, for all our embrace of contradiction, Hong Kong in many ways remains tethered to social binaries, particularly when it comes to gender.

For Yaz (they/them), social rigidity has often been a source of contention, especially as someone who has embraced their gender fluidity and non-binary identity. We spoke to the 22-year-old about how they navigate living subversively in a conservative city — from experiencing isolation and feeling unseen to building queer community. Keep reading to discover Yaz’s reflections on self-trust, finding chosen family and the radical act of showing up as you are.

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Can you share a bit about your journey in understanding your gender identity?

For me, being non-binary is about questioning every rule you’ve ever been told — every expectation about how to act or present yourself. It’s about rejecting those norms entirely and carving your own path in how you express yourself and interact with others. Once you start questioning your gender, you begin questioning everything else, too. When I began to radically listen to myself and trust my own instincts, what I wanted for myself became much clearer.

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If you could send a message to people in Hong Kong who might not understand non-binary and trans individuals, what would you want them to know?

I’m just trying to exist. I think a lot of people are scared of trans people because they’re holding onto something (ie. the gender binary) that makes them feel safe or validated, and I do understand that fear. That said, be confident in your good intentions. If you’re ignorant, own where you’re at and keep an open mind. Stay curious, ask questions and welcome growth. At the end of the day, we’re all going to end up in the ground, so learn everything you can while you can — and don’t fault me for making the most of the time that I have on this earth. 

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What has your experience been like as a non-binary person living in Hong Kong? Are there specific challenges or opportunities unique to this context?

Hong Kong isn’t a very genderqueer-friendly. When I first moved back (after attending university in the UK), it was a bit of a culture shock. Being trans is somewhat acknowledged here, but declaring yourself outside the binary isn’t really part of the cultural conversation, even in queer spaces. Of course, non-binary people exist here, but the broader society doesn’t recognise us. I think that stems from the fact that Hong Kong is such an expensive place to live — there isn’t a culture of questioning things you’ve been taught because you’re occupied with survival.

Because of that social standard, I’m usually perceived as “just” a woman here. People hear my voice or see my chest and immediately categorise me. In the UK, there’s so much more discussion and awareness — or, on the flip side, a culture of “transvestigation” (when someone tries to out closeted trans people and/or falsely accuse them of being trans). Of course, that level of bigotry is really frightening, but the lack of awareness here feels like complete erasure, which is in some ways harder to reckon with.

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How does that lack of awareness impact you?

Because there is so little understanding or awareness of nonbinary people in Hong Kong, it can feel like I don’t exist at all — and I’d rather be hated than invisible. Not to get all Hegelian, but when you’re hated, you are at the very least recognising yourself through the eyes of others, which in some ways externally validates your existence. I experience the opposite here — even on dating apps, I have to register as a woman just to be seen. So few users have “other” listed on their preferences that the algorithm essentially erases you if you don’t identify yourself as either “male” or “female.” Having to misgender yourself just to be seen by others is a pretty belittling experience.

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Is that hope of being seen part of what led you to decide to pursue top surgery?

Getting top surgery didn’t feel like a decision so much as an inevitability. From the moment I put on a binder at 19 (I’ll be 23 by the time I have the surgery), I knew that top surgery was a possibility. Of course, I went through a phase of intense doubt. Internalised transphobia and deep anxiety crept in, and I questioned whether this was something I really wanted. My therapist, who works with a lot of trans people, actually calls this “the wobble.” It’s not an unusual experience for trans people seeking gender-affirming care.

The fact that I’ve had my own doubts may surprise people, because there’s a misconception that trans people hate their bodies — that we just hate ourselves and our physical form so much we have to get surgery. Gender dysphoria does exist, and there is of course a true pain and anguish in being born in a body that doesn’t align with who you are. But I don’t hate my body. My grief actually came from thinking about not going through with top surgery. That’s when I knew it was the right path forward.

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Can you speak more on the misconceptions surrounding trans people?

While many trans people experience debilitating dysphoria — and gender-affirming care or surgery can alleviate that! — that is not the end-all-be-all of transness. In that sense, I think it’s completely valid to want to alter your appearance simply to be perceived differently. Judith Butler, one of the most prolific gender theorists, has written extensively on how gender is also shaped by how others see you (as opposed to your own internal perception or dysphoria). I think this is why you also see CIS gendered people getting gender-affirming care, whether that’s women getting breast reductions and implants, men getting hair transplants or this whole “looksmaxxing” movement — hormones in the gym to build muscle mass or jaw lines,. We’d be lying to say that these things aren’t an external validation of how we wish to be seen.

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Now that you’ve moved through the self-doubt, how are you feeling about your upcoming surgery?

Honestly, I feel like I’ve put on noise-canceling headphones — everything is quiet, and I’m really at peace. I’ve prepared as much as I can, my deposits are paid, arrangements have been made and I’m just in “let’s go” mode. Change is always scary, and there are risks — not just physically, but socially, knowing I’m stepping further away from the binary. Mostly, though, I’m excited to feel more present in my body, to look at myself without that “jump scare” reaction. I’m excited to just exist.

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Once you’ve recovered, are there things you’re looking forward to doing or experiencing that might have felt difficult or uncomfortable before?

I’m most excited about being topless at the beach. I love a bikini and I’m sure I’ll still wear them, but I can’t wait to exist in that space freely. Especially in Hong Kong, being topless while having a chest is really just not an option. I’m also looking forward to exploring fashion in this new body, to get excited about clothes again!

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Are there any people, resources, or practices that have been helpful in supporting you?

Chosen family, 100%. My friends and community have been my lifeline. I think of finding community as a practice; being trans in this city is isolating enough, so finding people that you love and trust, that love you completely and unapologetically, is so important. I love the inclusive communities that I’ve found — projects like Trans & Non-binary Life Drawing and queer collectives like MÖTH Agency have been so affirming.

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What advice would you give to someone considering top surgery or exploring their gender identity, especially in a place like Hong Kong?

Keep sharing your truth with the people you love, and seek out spaces that share your values. You have to show up, but if you show up, I swear you’ll find your people. Trans, cis, or anything else — show up as your authentic self, because you’re inviting that same energy back into your life. Whether you’re creative or, god forbid, corporate, own who you are.