Sigh. Sassy Girls, how many dates did you go on in the run up to the holidays? Just because some desperado didn’t want to be alone for the season? Or because he wanted some eye candy on his arm to accompany him to that corporate dinner? Or to bring home to mum so he looked like an adultier adult?
I went on a few of those, and #regret. I was stuck with a dude who was trying so hard even though we had little in common… I’m sure he was just doing it just to see out Valentine’s Day. Like, for real, how many ways could I have gently avoided this creeper? I was introduced to him by a friend and five minutes later he was offering to cook me dinner. Not even go for a drink so I could make a quick escape if I needed to, but a full-blown meal that he spent three hours preparing and I’d spent three minutes inhaling (because always hangry).
I suppose he was hot. But I couldn’t help but wonder, shouldn’t there be more to it than him feeding me? That was about the only thing we had in common – he was a decent enough chef and I have a healthy appetite… yeah, I’m no skinny mini who eats one grape a day and calls it “lunch”. I wrote the GD book on #TacoTuesday… so gimmie that ‘guac, stat.
Did he like books? No. I was in the middle of Aziz Ansari’s Modern Romance, and he just. didn’t. get. it. He was more Entourage (the show especially for d-bags) while I was gripped by Making A Murderer. Could he handle a wander around the Wong Tai Sin temple with me? Nope, he was itching to hit up a dive bar for a round of Asahis.
I’m not proud of what I did after, but it really had to be done. After another round of “oh, darling, we’re a couple, right? Right?” (in a David Beckham accent), I snapped and decided… no. So much no about this sleazebucket. He used gel in his hair and sprayed an obscene amount of Lynx/Axe all over himself after the gym. Hear what I’m saying, girls?
So, I ditched him. I simply avoiding him after New Year by intentionally not answering those calls and WhatsApp messages. We’ve all been on the other end of that line, and I did feel like a bit of an asshole. But I realised that I had to stop going along with it just because he was keen, when I really wasn’t. Let’s just say I’ll be doing my utmost to avoid him around the streets of LKF this month… Oh, I’m so over this “dry January”; my LKF count is up at four already.
I realise now that whilst he was super needy, so was I. For some reason, I’d imagined that this New Year could be the start of a new relationship, and a whole new me. I could delete Tinder and all those other shitty dating apps off my phone and swap jello-shots in Stormies for a glass of burgundy on date night… but a new guy isn’t going to equal a shiny, new and improved me. The only way I’m going to be the person I want to be is by investing time in myself, not the next d-bag that swipes right on Tinder.
So I’m succumbing to the New Year’s resolutions fad and listing out my goals for the year. And I’m doing them for me, not to get a boyfriend. And I might just delete those apps anyway.
Tip of the month: The goal this year shouldn’t be about finding someone. It shouldn’t be about bagging a ‘New Man’ for the ‘New Year’. This month, focus on one person and one person only. Yourself.