Should It Matter If I Choose To Design My Own Engagement Ring?

Put yourself in the driving seat when it comes your proposal!

There can be a lot of pressure surrounding proposals for the person popping the question. Not only do they have to choose the perfect location (or occasion!), they also have to think of a way to suggest you go for a manicure without giving the game away and, of course, they have to select the rock that’s going to adorn your left hand for the long haul. Traditionally it’s always been up to the man to do the asking, but times are changing and more ladies are putting themselves in the driving seat when it comes to choosing their engagement rings. After all, should it really matter if we pick our own bling? Here’s why it can be a good idea.

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First up, the pressure is taken off your partner. You’ll be making a huge decision together!

When I first got engaged, I braced myself for the usual onslaught of questions about how he did it, when we plan to have the wedding and of course, reaching for my hand to check out the diamond. Some were surprised when there was no sparkle and I revealed that I was in the process of designing it myself. There may not have been a ring with my proposal, but the way it played out was perfect. I still got to experience the surprise and the ugly crying that followed as I said “yes!”, but I loved getting to play a big part in choosing a diamond and designing a band that I’m going to cherish. I have no doubt that I would have adored anything that my fiancé chose for me – but doing it this way meant we could make the decision (and it’s a big one!) together.

There is no perfect way to propose and each relationship is different. But if you do decide to take an active role in designing or choosing your engagement ring before or after the event – you’ll make memories that extend way beyond getting down on one knee.

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It gives you time to bond.

Within about a week we were both diamond experts. Reading up on the “four c’s” (cut, clarity, colour and carat), we spent a good few hours watching Netflix and Googling “where to buy an engagement ring in Hong Kong“. I “unhid” my wedding Pinterest board and pinned existing styles that I liked, as well as saving a ton of links to my phone that my fiancé sent over a Sunday movie marathon. We combed through countless ready-made options before deciding to combine elements that we both liked, by choosing to design the ring ourselves. Brainstorming together was exciting and void of any secrecy and uncertainty.

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You designed it! So you know the ring will be exactly what you want.

There tends to be taboo surrounding sending your partner engagement ring ideas. There is a precedence that a guy should know you well enough to choose your dream ring if you’re due to be wed, but we shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting to be involved. You’re the one who will be wearing it for the rest of your life.

We chose to reach out to Ryder Diamonds and, within twenty-four hours, we had an appointment scheduled in with Sally Ryder and her team for the coming Friday. We sent over the pictures that we had saved throughout the week, before sitting down to talk through the A-Z’s of buying and designing an engagement ring. The team then helped to mock up some photoshop images of our ideas, before asking their in-house illustrator to draw the final creation. Having taken the time to talk through everything and see the diamonds in person, I am now so confident and happy with what we chose. I went from wanting a silver solitaire, to an oval with a studded band, to a cushion cut and then finally a rose gold, boho-inspired ring that I am in love with. If what I thought I liked changed so quickly, how was my fiancé ever meant to choose for me?! The ring is exactly what I want.

Read more: How He Asked: Proposal Stories From Our Readers

So, where do you start?

Okay…there is a drawback. The process does take time. I know that you will want to show off your bespoke beauty right away, but you will have to wait a few weeks or even months. From scheduling in appointments to signing off designs, working out budgets and choosing the actual rock, to the crafting process, size fittings and the final polish and setting stage… it won’t be quick, but I promise it will be worth it. Start with saving everything you love to Pinterest and reaching out to your chosen jeweller with your fiancé. Sift through some well-known Hong Kong crafters like Ryder Diamonds, Niya K, Haywards of Hong Kong, Diamond Registry and Melville Fine Jewellery (to name but a few!) and start sending out some emails.

Ultimately, this ring is going to be part of who you are. Why shouldn’t you involve yourself in making one of the biggest decisions of your life? If this is something that you want to do, you shouldn’t feel guilting about working together with your partner to create something that you both love and feel proud of. Isn’t that the basis of a good marriage, after all?

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