Tall, dark and handsome. Or blonde and blue-eyed. Or curly-haired. Or bald. Or ripped. Or with a hot dad bod. Or with tattoos.
Yep, I’m describing physical traits of your ideal person. I met my ideal man the other night. The most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. I’d name drop or direct you to his Instagram page, but I know for a fact that he’d be super embarrassed. And I would as well because, well, I’m being a cow and keeping him all to myself. Not that I will be seeing him again.
I honestly don’t give two shits what he’s like as a person, I’m being 100% shallow when I tell you he is the prettiest man in the world. Not in a camp way, in a complete masculine way. Perfectly coiffed dark hair, the brightest blue eyes you ever did see, a hint of stubble (I love a good bit of 5 o’clock shadow on a man), a cheeky smile and a body that was so rock solid you could slice cold butter with it. This was a man who I’d been having dirty – nay, filthy – dreams about for the past two weeks, and I wasn’t ashamed to admit it.
Thinking back to the other men I’ve been majorly attracted to in my lifetime, I have to say, I don’t have a ‘type’. Do you?
There was my first love, who wasn’t that tall, but fairly scrawny. And obviously he had no stubble since we were in school. Brown eyes, dark hair. I look at him now and I’m the opposite of attracted (if you’re reading this, pal, I apologise, but you’re a bit of a d-bag these days).
Then there was my university love. Not so tall either, a little rounder, shaved dark hair, small blue eyes but who was just the best at making me laugh and distracting me from exams and the dullest dissertation in the world by way of adventurous bedroom shenanigans.
Finally, the man who full on broke my heart last year. He wasn’t that attractive (I was just desperate for a little attention). Dark hair, not so tall, rocked the stubbly look most of the time, super casual and was more interested in berating me than bedding me. Nah, thinking back, he didn’t do it for me either. Sorry, dude, I have no idea what I was thinking there.
Pulling together all my favourite physical traits from these men bring me to the bangable Bad Ass I met two weeks ago. I’m still swooning and can’t get over it like a love sick puppy… he lives in California, so if anyone would like to donate money for me to permanently move there and be with him, I’ll be sharing my crowdfunding link with you all later.
‘Til next time, you Sassy bunch.
Ms. Sassy’s dating tip for the month: If you meet the love of your life that you’re mad passionately in love with and who you just can’t get over, chase him. After all, when will that opportunity present itself to you again?