After a failed attempt at a real-life date last time (read about this girl’s mega-embarrassing food fail here), this Sassy lady has decided she needs to hit the reset button on her dating life. I know, I know, I say it each time. But as I write this in some Christmas-fuelled haze of mulled wine and eggnog – ahem – spinach and kale smoothie, I’ve come up with a list of resolutions for the year. These go beyond the whole “let’s get fit and lose a zillion kilos before bikini season” and “save more money for retirement” resolutions. Those ones are easy – er, sometimes – to make and break. We’re sure that all you single gals will thank us for this.
1. No more losers. None of this toe-sucking business on Tinder; we’re going to become a bit more sophisticated. If you’re going to join the digital dating world (and let’s face it, our lives revolve around insta-booking everything, so this only makes sense), then hit up the ones that actually do their job: set you up on dates with like-minded people. Think match.com instead of hook-up.com.
2. Lose the baggage. Yes, hide the luggage from your recent girls weekend away in Phuk-it that you went on to rid the ex from your body, mind and soul. But also make sure that you’ve ridded yourself of the ex from your life. The longer he’s in your life, the harder it is for you to move on. Trust us, this is something this Sassy girl is all too familiar with.
3. Widen your circle. Or square, or trapezium, whatever shape you prefer to call your group of trilby-wearing hipster buddies. Mix it up, literally. New to a job? Join the colleagues for an after-work drink where someone will bring their broodingly good-looking friend who you might just hit it off with. Or join your older brother’s gang on that random hike out to Dragon’s Back one Sunday morning to enjoy the fresh air and the view. How do you meet new people if you’re meeting the same people each and every happy hour? Your bro’s new bestie could be your new boyf.
4. Already in a relationship? (NB: Urgh, why?!) No worries, girl, we see you too. Ditch the friends – yes, we just went there. Instead of hitting club 7/11 with the girls on a Friday night, hit club 7/11 with the other half for some banter instead. You’ll make great memories (or not, depending on how many bottles of alcopops you consume), and have fun piecing the night’s events together the morning after over a full English.
If all else fails, just go back to Tinder and hope for the best.
Happy New Year, Sassy readers. We’re forever grateful you still come back to read this one’s column. May you be blessed with many dates, lots of snogging and a deliciously good-looking other half this year.
‘Til next time, you Sassy bunch.