After failed Tinder escapades, it was time to call in the experts. I’ve said so said before, and it was time to suck it up and do it. Taking advice from dating experts isn’t exactly easy, especially since this Sassy Girl is an Independent Woman. I just had to suck it up.
There’d be no sucking of anything at this rate. So off I trotted to pay a visit to Kaitlin Kapur of matchmaking agency Anteros International to see what she had to say…
Point 1: Kaitlin made it pretty clear I shouldn’t be afraid of approaching men. What did I have to lose? The idea was just to strike up a conversation. I wouldn’t and I couldn’t know if I liked someone or if they liked me if we didn’t have some sort of mind-body-soul connection. Maybe I should focus on the ‘mind’ and ‘soul’ part, otherwise this could happen again. Okay, so basically don’t be a chicken, don’t be shy – suck it up.
Point 2: Watch my booze intake. Noted. I could avoid swigging wine straight out the bottle, surely. Yes, yes, I could avoid hitting the wine hard. There was everything nothing wrong with drinking a lime soda.
Point 3: For me to suggest my own, cheap different date ideas. It’s always good to try something different, and I would be in a better mood if it it was something I actually wanted to do (and could afford). So, a picnic in the park with beers from 7/11 was absolutely appropriate. I just had to wait for the weather to warm up. Other date ideas: art/photography gallery hopping, coffee at somewhere more original than a chain java joint. Okay, that last one isn’t that different, but it doesn’t involve booze.
Point 4: I had to dress appropriately and comfortably. If there ever was a more confusing phrase, that would be it. So heels, or no heels? This Sassy girl has switched from killer nude peep-toes from Aldo to her super comfy flip-flops from Havaianas mid-date. I’m. Not. Joking. He was confused as well when I stopped him on the corner of the street and simply said “I can’t do this anymore”. He thought the date was over, but lo-and-behold, the flats just had to come out of the Mary Poppins bag. It totally was a mood-killer and I think he lost some respect for me in that moment. Note to self: if you’re not well-versed in the art of strutting around the sloped streets of Soho/LKF in heels, just wear the damn flats. It’s not worth the embarrassment.
So now I was armed with these tips from the expert, it was a case of putting them into practice. I decided to try them out on a dinner date with a male friend. Unsure of whether it would work or not, it was worth a shot. Plus, I knew if I made a fool of myself, he’d still be my friend and we were going to be at our respective homes at the end of the night anyway because that would just be plain awkward. I did love him, but in a cuddly bear kinda way, not I-must-have-you-now kind of way. Harmless.
Point 1 on this date didn’t apply – I had no issues approaching him in the podium of ifc where we agreed to meet. Well, because I knew him.
As we sat down for dinner, I realised one very important thing. Many girls going on a first date are under the guise that they have to eat nothing but a side salad for dinner to show this potential life partner that they’re a skinny b*tch. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE DO THIS. It’s completely and utterly 100% misleading. If you want to eat the carbonara, eat the damn carbonara. It’s completely worth it. The last thing he’s doing sat across from you is judging you or your size because he’s just as nervous.
Or some girls do the opposite and order the most expensive thing on the menu. You’re meant to be getting a taster of each other on a first date, and the impression he’ll be making of you is that you’re using him for his wallet. Save the $500 lobster for another date and focus on making a good impression now.
With all this in mind, I fully indulged in the all-you-can-eat aspect at said dinner with my male friend. He didn’t judge – probably because he’d seen me inhale my food like that on more than one occasion before. And I have to say, if this was a real date, my male friend would score major points, making sure I was well-fed and even paying for dinner (we had stipulated previously that the beers after dinner would be on me).
As to whether I was comfortable or appropriately dressed, I reckon I was. Again, this man has seen me at my best (dolled up for a night out) and at my worst (five hours later, passed out on his shoulder). So no judgement there. Plus my friend isn’t very tall and there was no need for heels. And no first date pre-jitters from either of us. It was an all-round win.
Well, nearly, there was no sucking of anything at the end of the night, not even face. After all, there were still boundaries between friends. Hmm… maybe I had to find a real date and not just use my male friends as unwitting fake first dates.
Ms. Sassy’s dating tip of the month: Date your friends. They truly are the best. Unless you desperately want to suck face with someone.